Sautéed Penguin

Ingredients

1 penguin, preferably pink
1 medium red or white onion, cubed
1 large green pepper, cubed
2-3 gloves garlic, minced
1-2 tablespoon olive oil
white wine
5.8 oz. package Penguin War brand flavored couscous, such as "Roasted Penguin and Olive Oil" or "Pink Parmesan"

Note: Special sautee pan with restraining straps can be ordered from ThePenguinWar online store and $19.99.


Pour olive oil into sautee pan and heat to medium temperature. Add vegetables. While vegetables are cooking, go out into the corridor and find a pink penguin [very commonly lurking outside or near doors and windows, trying to spy inside]. Chase, if need be jump on it. Penguins are poor runners. Bring penguin inside. Note: It will be easier to cook if your sautee pan has non-flammable restraining straps [see above note on where to purchase], if not you may have trouble preventing your main ingredient from jumping out of the pan. Strap penguin in, heat until just warmed through, add dashes of the wine to taste. Don’t worry if the fire suddenly grows, the penguin is covered in a layer of fat. When penguin is crisp and tender [should turn darker pink], stir in prepared couscous, remove to a serving dish, and add a few sprigs of cilantro for garnish. This dish reheats well in a microwave.

Serves: 3-4

Preparation time: 35 minutes [allow approximately ten minutes for capture of penguin]